That I Would Be Free

Essays on identity, transition and quietly building a life that fits.

  • A few things I know.

    Sometimes when I get quiet here it’s because I feel like I don’t know anything. Nothing. And that’s not completely true. So here’s a list of a few things I do know.  I know if you are looking for sea glass on the beach, the best place to find it is in the patches of Read More

  • Moving on.

    Sometimes you get an email on a random Tuesday that’s really a box of venom and darkness. And it’s from someone you can’t block. So you write. Not back to them. But to yourself. Just because you disgust one person, doesn’t mean you are disgusting. You are light. You are fire. Burn, baby. Moving on. Read More

  • A new direction

    I’ve been mulling it over and I’ve decided to take a slightly new direction in this space. You can still expect essays but I’m going to put a little more emphasis on poetry and art and creativity in general. And joy in the midst of life that’s always shifting and challenging and sometimes just shitty. Read More

  • Seventy

    I talked to my dad twice yesterday because it was his 70th birthday, and I couldn’t be there to make him a chocolate sheet cake and spell out 7-0 with candles (because 70 candles would poke too many holes in that delicious frosting!) But that’s probably why I woke up this morning thinking about him. Read More

  • New Year! New You?

    New Year! New You? The daylight begins to spread slightly father into the edges of the day. Still, it’s cold. I don’t like how my body looks, How it feels. I don’t like how my brain is moving, Either creeping in a carb-laden haze, Or ping-ponging between things that might lift me from misery: a Read More

  • Tis the Damn Season

    Do I need to rethink my entire life?… Or is it just the holidays? I found myself texting this to a friend who casually asked me how it was going?  Not good. Not good at all.  I mean, there are good things happening. But I think I wandered into the holidays a little off kilter. Read More

  • Meditation: The Mad-Morning Problem

    I used to write a lot about meditative practice and it can look many different ways. Walking, yoga, transcendental meditation, washing the dishes, taking a bath—these are all meditative practices I have leaned on heavily to get through these past few years.  I was facing my own dark night of the soul. I like Mark Read More

  • Kauai is messing with you

    This Kauai trip, it’s been interesting. I had the extra burden of writing a book while I’ve been here. That has made the trip decidedly less zen than my typical solo retreat. Also mercury is in retrograde. The Verizon tower was down on the North side of the island for a couple of days, plus Read More

  • Can we talk about kindergarten?!

    R started Kindergarten at the end of August. I did not know what to expect, but here are my observations so far: Disclosure. Having to do family court about school start probably infinitely increases the stress level around it. Benefits of being a Californian. Yes! We pay higher taxes, but in California, there are no Read More

  • From the ashes -> Contentment

    I just finished listening to a Tara Brach podcast about contentment. And it brought me back to this question I’ve been asking myself for several years, How do I relax and enjoy my life? It’s an enigma, right? And I think it’s compounded by social media where it feels like everyone is doing just that. Read More