Last year I gave up on happiness and decided to start enjoying my life. That's right--forget happiness! And it’s been good. I found peace in thoughts like, I get to live such a rich life. Rich, alluding to the contrast. And when I stopped trying to run down happiness, I had more space to notice … Continue reading Forget Happiness!
We look at the pet scan which shows a shadowy outline of my body containing the darkened shapes of liver, brain, kidneys, bladder (pee pee is funny :).
The results are in! If you’ve been following the chronicles of my life here, you know I recently got concerned about some symptoms (read here). I called my endocrinologist. She ordered blood tests to check levels of catecholamines and metanepherines. These are substances that pheochromocytomas can make. When they do, it results in episodic hypertension, … Continue reading Resilience to Cancer? Finish Your Shower
Right now I have a paraganglioma in my right neck. It’s called a carotid body tumor because it is wrapped around the carotid artery at the point where the artery splits to provide blood supply to my face and my brain. I had tumor removed from the same location on the left side in 2005. … Continue reading Seasonal allergies or cancer?
As I stood in warrior II with my arms resting by my sides, I was overcome with respect and humility toward my body. MY BODY! Which is such an amazing tool for all the things I love.
Why are you strong, brave, resilient or inspiring? Hint: It has nothing to do with what's gone wrong in your life.
A few weeks ago, after I wrote the post How to start feeling, I asked my therapist, “Do we ever stop numbing? I mean, is there some transcendental state that is attainable where we never numb our feelings again? Is that even possible? Is even that the goal?” I’m not going to try to … Continue reading All things are true
I’m just waking up this morning. I heard River get up out of bed and walk through the house. Then he climbed back into bed, ate a little dry cereal from the bowl he requested last night and he’s been quiet for a while now. I have been mulling over this question of how to … Continue reading Waking up
This morning I woke up early. Like 2:30am. I have a cold so this was a mix of sinus congestion, jitteriness from Sudafed (for the sinus congestion) and my freaking unstoppable mind. Whenever this happens I hear the voice of Dr. Fleisher, the last psychiatrist I worked with, in my head, “Early morning awakening should … Continue reading The unsinkable cork
I made it home and I’ve been plunged back into my life of routine. I am caring for my son, working, working out, responding to requests for help related to church, and running my household. It’s been a little overwhelming. The NIH experience, in some ways, felt like a monastic retreat. I was able to … Continue reading I am still here