I have to take a second to acknowledge how hard this post has been to write. I’ve been kicking the idea around in my head for months. I’ve talked it out with several people. I’ve written multiple drafts. That’s how laden the shadow is. It’s a dragon. It’s a snag. It’s mine. And it’s yours.
Because this job (and life) can feel quite heavy at times, let me provide a little insight into how I smile and move through the week without being flattened.
My brain wants to tell me that when things go back to normal, then I can be my old self again. But my old self isn’t waiting in the wings. She’s here with me right now.
Last year I gave up on happiness and decided to start enjoying my life. That's right--forget happiness! And it’s been good. I found peace in thoughts like, I get to live such a rich life. Rich, alluding to the contrast. And when I stopped trying to run down happiness, I had more space to notice … Continue reading Forget Happiness!
It was shortly after this I realized that maybe I should just let myself be 36. Maybe I should let myself embrace the incarnation.
On Christmas Day in the evening, I was driving R and our new puppy home from a friend’s house. R said, “I really want to stop at the store and get a new car.” “No, we have sooooo many new toys at home! Let’s just go home and play with all of our new … Continue reading It’s JANUARY!
“It’s like a spider,” she said. “That’s what they told me at the Alzheimer’s Association when I was taking care of mom. And the spider goes around and around until it stops and that’s when you can’t remember.”
Last week I found myself rolling back and forth on the ground with a bunch of giggling asian women. I was in my kundalini yoga class at the YMCA. We were doing an exercise where we put our hands out in front of us, superman-style, while lying on our stomachs, then we turned to the right until we were on our backs, then back to center/stomach, then to the left. As I rolled back and forth on the floor with these giddy women, I thought, I live such a rich life!
I’m going to pause here because THIS is mind-blowing for me. I’m not required to constantly shift and work and adjust and strain until perfection is obtained? Really? There is space in life for a moment’s pause to sit and smile?
I’ve been working on developing a skill set for processing emotion. It’s super powerful and helpful because things that I used to tuck away or constantly numb have become less scary. I can say, “Hello shame, disappointment, jealousy, longing (or whatever the emotion happens to be)—let’s do this.” I have a few ways of processing … Continue reading Ways to process emotion