We did it! Connection and joy. It’s possible, even at Disneyland!
The thing that spurred our relationship was our willingness to NEED each other. We really needed each other. For the first time in years, it felt safe to need someone and this opened me up.
We beat ourselves against the role and we bleed our pain. And while we do this, Heavenly Mother watches and waits. She whispers to us the truth that seems to only become visible through the pain, You are your own mother.
Identify those ingredients that make it bliss and put them together in your current circumstance. Put your butt in the sand. Fry bacon on the beach miles away civilization. Stare into the starry sky. Give your soul what it craves.
It's Tuesday morning. I wake up early, probably 20 minutes before little one starts chant-singing, Mommy-Mommy-Mommy. I lay in bed watching the gray dawn through my bedroom curtains. I'm thinking about my journal session the night before. There are many days when I write and it doesn't amount to much. But sometimes, when I'm really … Continue reading The Journey of the Warrior
Sometimes creativity feels like a crushing chore, but when I think about Ruby it feels more an attitude. An irrepressible impulse that played out in the bread she baked, the cows she milked, the clothing she sewed, the baskets she constructed, the beets she hoed, and the rocks she laid. Her mosaics matter enormously and not at all, in the same way that each life matters enormously and not at all.
I’m just waking up this morning. I heard River get up out of bed and walk through the house. Then he climbed back into bed, ate a little dry cereal from the bowl he requested last night and he’s been quiet for a while now. I have been mulling over this question of how to … Continue reading Waking up
Sometimes I can’t feel god. I used to think this was because of something I had done. That god had withdrawn from me. I learned in church that god cannot dwell in unholy places so I assumed if I couldn’t feel god then something unholy was going on inside of me. I felt shame about … Continue reading The Marco Polo Prayer
R "ready for work" tonight. I’m sitting on my couch listening to R do his howling cry of bedtime loneliness interspersed with plunking on the alligator xylophone. It’s 9:32pm. He’s normally in bed an hour earlier but we are coming off of a travel weekend which included strange sleep schedules and a long nap on … Continue reading Run in the desert under a starry sky
Torrey Pines has become a holy place to me. I’ve made it a routine stop on my way back from dropping R at his dad’s house. I get out of my car and smell the bushy plants of the coast and the estuary. It reminds me of the smell of the sage brush in … Continue reading The luxury of play