Attention

I smell the ocean on the warm breeze flowing steadily past the skin on my face and arms, which are slightly sticky from the drying salt water. The sun is headed down but the days are long and it will be hours before it sets. There is a seagull walking past, eyeing the abandoned beach…

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I am terrified of the silence. 

As children of mothers with depression, we have to teach ourselves how to cry because there is danger in the sadness. It feels like giant cavern that could swallow me whole, a darkness that I might never escape. So I flitter around saying, I’m fine! I’m fine! and going to parties and talking and drinking…

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Who is Heavenly Mother?

Now that I better understand the feminine divine, I see that, because of her nature, she doesn’t fit easily into organized religion. She is too big and complicated for that. There are no instructions for breathing! How would you teach someone to inhale? Yet, I notice very quickly when I am becoming oxygen-deprived.

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Meditation: The Mad-Morning Problem

I used to write a lot about meditative practice and it can look many different ways. Walking, yoga, transcendental meditation, washing the dishes, taking a bath—these are all meditative practices I have leaned on heavily to get through these past few years.  I was facing my own dark night of the soul. I like Mark…

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Can we talk about kindergarten?!

R started Kindergarten at the end of August. I did not know what to expect, but here are my observations so far: Disclosure. Having to do family court about school start probably infinitely increases the stress level around it. Benefits of being a Californian. Yes! We pay higher taxes, but in California, there are no…

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Green Parrots, Rats, Dogs and Boys

In my neighborhood are a pair of wild, green parrots. If you go for a walk around sunset you can see them flying high overhead, chattering back and forth to each other. They have only visited my yard once, to my knowledge. Shortly after I bought the house, my sister came to help me move.…

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Forget Happiness!

Last year I gave up on happiness and decided to start enjoying my life.  That’s right–forget happiness! And it’s been good.  I found peace in thoughts like, I get to live such a rich life.  Rich, alluding to the contrast.  And when I stopped trying to run down happiness, I had more space to notice…

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Colored arrows pointing to black circles

We look at the pet scan which shows a shadowy outline of my body containing the darkened shapes of liver, brain, kidneys, bladder (pee pee is funny :).

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It’s JANUARY!

On Christmas Day in the evening, I was driving R and our new puppy home from a friend’s house.  R said, “I really want to stop at the store and get a new car.”   “No, we have sooooo many new toys at home! Let’s just go home and play with all of our new…

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