How to start feeling

I grew up in a house with four women which meant there was a lot of estrogen going around.  We were pretty adept at late-night sessions, hashing out the latest crises in our lives, letting our advice spill over into the wee hours when judgment for such things is waning and emotions are running high. …

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Our Lady of Chains

In December, after hearing Cheryl Strayed speak at UCLA, I considered what might feel like prayer for me (See Walking is a Prayer).  The piano came strongly into my consciousness.  I took lessons from age 8-15.  I have always felt that I should be MORE accomplished with the piano than I am so when I…

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Light and shadow

When I was in Hawaii last week, I visited Painted Church or, more properly, St. Benedict’s Catholic Church.  It’s a scenic, little-white-church tucked away in the greenery south of Kona and worth a quick stop.  The church is famous for the murals covering the walls and ceiling, painted by Father John Velghe, an untrained folk…

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Open Hands. Open Heart.

I believe that for two emotionally healthy people, love and integrity are enough.  I believe those two things can bridge idealogical differences, extended family problems, money issues, illness.  Because two emotionally healthy people will own their own shit.  They will have the strength to be honest even when it is painful, motivated by a deep…

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The unsinkable cork

This morning I woke up early.  Like 2:30am.  I have a cold so this was a mix of sinus congestion, jitteriness from Sudafed (for the sinus congestion) and my freaking unstoppable mind.  Whenever this happens I hear the voice of Dr. Fleisher, the last psychiatrist I worked with, in my head, “Early morning awakening should…

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Here’s to another year of climbing!

One of the last conversations I had with my Grandma Whipple was while we were standing in her kitchen.  I had stopped by their house on my way to or from someplace for a quick hello.  Grandma and Grandpa Whipple’s house was always quiet and relaxed.  I would stop in at an hour too late…

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Removing cages

I have wanted to write more about my wrestle with my faith, but it feels very vulnerable.  I am going to try to do that today and I hope, as readers, you will remember my post about the wound that is still healing.  I am in the middle of healing this wound, maybe even at…

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Day 3: But then I decide—why not talk to Santa?!? 

I am up at 6:15 today to get the taxi at 6:45 to the Clinical Center.  I arrive at the hospital before much is going on there.  First stop is phlebotomy.  I am taken back immediately into one of the phlebotomist cubicles.  She informs me that they only need a urine sample.  I don’t know…

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With a clear lens

Today, I had an opportunity to exercise compassion for myself.  I decided after being mostly home sick for two days that I needed to get out.  I loaded up almost-three-year-old R in the car, which was hot from sitting out in the afternoon sun.  I gave him about three minutes of looking at gravel in…

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Unburdened

I want to address a couple of comments I’ve received since I started sharing my blog.  These couple of comments have been something along the lines of, “It seems like you are doing really well with everything.”  When I’ve read those, I appreciate the sentiment/encouragement but I want to wave my arms frantically from the…

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