Show Me the Bars

My request of myself, is to listen, especially to the stories that make me uncomfortable. And to let them work within me and teach me to walk with integrity.

Show me the bars so I see the door, a way out, and I can fly away.

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My Becoming Book List

This time of year people are looking for a good read.  I can’t say these are light summer selections for the beach or poolside, but these are books that have made their way through my hands during the past year and I recommend (in no particular order). Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  In many ways this…

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All things are true

A few weeks ago, after I wrote the post How to start feeling, I asked my therapist, “Do we ever stop numbing?  I mean, is there some transcendental state that is attainable where we never numb our feelings again?  Is that even possible?  Is even that the goal?”   I’m not going to try to…

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Our Lady of Chains

In December, after hearing Cheryl Strayed speak at UCLA, I considered what might feel like prayer for me (See Walking is a Prayer).  The piano came strongly into my consciousness.  I took lessons from age 8-15.  I have always felt that I should be MORE accomplished with the piano than I am so when I…

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Day 2: I move mountains

Last night, I arrived back to my guest suite at 7:30pm.  I took a shower.  I really needed it.  My legs were caked with mud in spots.  My hair hadn’t been washed for four days and was stiff from the salt water.  I was exhausted but it was the best kind of tired—the physical tired…

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Day One: Determined to save the only life you could save

Right now I’m sitting, wet bum in the volcanic sand, watching the waves and the clouds roll in.  I’m alone except for the sand crabs.  They range in size from teeny-tiny to about six inches.  They dig holes in the sand and then venture in and out of them.  If you startle them, they sprint…

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I keep identifying with lesbians

This was a text I got from my insightful and decidedly heterosexual sister a few weeks ago.  It made me laugh! I’ve had the same thought and I’ve held it with some curiosity.  This is not a coming out post!  Still firmly hetero (for any available intensely awesome male partners anyone might know).  Here’s my…

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Day 3: But then I decide—why not talk to Santa?!? 

I am up at 6:15 today to get the taxi at 6:45 to the Clinical Center.  I arrive at the hospital before much is going on there.  First stop is phlebotomy.  I am taken back immediately into one of the phlebotomist cubicles.  She informs me that they only need a urine sample.  I don’t know…

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Is there no other way?

This week I’ve had the intention to find the temple inside of myself.  I am really enamored with this idea that God is within me.  That by knowing myself better, I will know God.  Focusing on perceived distances from God will not bring me closer to him.  It’s interesting.  With how I’m approaching life now,…

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We are coming for you

As a woman, I’ve spent most of my life trying to take up as little space as possible.  This was easier in some ways because I have always been on the smaller side of normal.  And the message from the world is that women should be small and quiet and agreeable.  Fortunately, at this time…

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