Day Six: Intention for the Dirty Muddy Pig Year

Sleepy Saturday is a good way to describe the last day in Hawaii.  We sleep in later than usual after our late night of dancing.  We pick up some interesting donuts from a Holy Donuts in Kona—our favorite was the lilikoi (passionfruit) meringue.  We relax on the seawall watching swimmers follow the buoy-marked path that…

Read More

Day Five: Swimming in that soul river

I am up with the sun at 7am.  Cass and I have planned to snorkel the Captain Cook Monument today.  With optimism, we attach a couple of other potential plans on the back end of that so we rush around and load all the needed equipment, provisions and clothing into a laundry basket to haul…

Read More

“Walk without a stick into the darkest woods.”

In Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love from Dear Sugar there is a letter from a man who signs himself as “Beast with a Limp.”  He writes that he has been disfigured by a blood disorder that he has been dealing with since childhood.  He writes that there is no way to remedy…

Read More

I keep identifying with lesbians

This was a text I got from my insightful and decidedly heterosexual sister a few weeks ago.  It made me laugh! I’ve had the same thought and I’ve held it with some curiosity.  This is not a coming out post!  Still firmly hetero (for any available intensely awesome male partners anyone might know).  Here’s my…

Read More

Stop worrying about the knitting and remember to dance

These past couple of days I have been sensing a weird transition in myself.  It’s like I’m crossing a threshold into a new phase…and it feels good.  Strangely good.  This Cheryl Strayed quote comes to my mind often: “Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away or eat it away or…

Read More

Removing cages

I have wanted to write more about my wrestle with my faith, but it feels very vulnerable.  I am going to try to do that today and I hope, as readers, you will remember my post about the wound that is still healing.  I am in the middle of healing this wound, maybe even at…

Read More

See! That tiny light is already glowing.

R and I had an incredibly full and beautiful weekend together.  We spent a pristine Saturday morning at the beach.  The babies played while the adults took turns surfing.  The conditions were perfect.  Small, friendly waves.  Bright sun. Pleasantly warm, but not hot.  R palled around with his equally blond comrade, playing in the sand,…

Read More

Day 3: But then I decide—why not talk to Santa?!? 

I am up at 6:15 today to get the taxi at 6:45 to the Clinical Center.  I arrive at the hospital before much is going on there.  First stop is phlebotomy.  I am taken back immediately into one of the phlebotomist cubicles.  She informs me that they only need a urine sample.  I don’t know…

Read More

Day 1: Make a mess beautiful

PREFACE:  This week I’ve decided to chronicle my NIH visit in detail.  My friends and family have been observing my NIH pilgrimages from a distance for years and are interested to know what it’s like.  I realize this may not be of interest to everyone and my entries will resume their regular flavor (whatever that…

Read More

It’s all delusional anyway

I am a psychiatric PA.  A lot of people get confused by that title.  I am a physician assistant specialized in psychiatry.  I do the same job as a psychiatrist for much less money, and I’d like to think with a little more style!  I diagnose and treat mental illness, primarily with medication.  I have…

Read More