I am terrified of the silence. 

As children of mothers with depression, we have to teach ourselves how to cry because there is danger in the sadness. It feels like giant cavern that could swallow me whole, a darkness that I might never escape. So I flitter around saying, I’m fine! I’m fine! and going to parties and talking and drinking…

Read More

I am [after all,] my own muse.

It’s rare that something comes out of my morning pages that I actually care to publish or use in some other piece of work. But this came out a few nights ago. I didn’t get my morning pages done in the morning because I was working on some other things and by 9pm, I was…

Read More

It takes imagination.

The Nuvaring Before I got married, I went to the student health center for a pre-marriage gynecology appointment. I was a student at Brigham Young University (BYU), 20 and a virgin. I didn’t think of myself as prude or naive, but I was probably both of those things. Raised in the conservative Mormon faith, I…

Read More

Moving on.

Sometimes you get an email on a random Tuesday that’s really a box of venom and darkness. And it’s from someone you can’t block. So you write. Not back to them. But to yourself. Just because you disgust one person, doesn’t mean you are disgusting. You are light. You are fire. Burn, baby. Moving on.…

Read More

Tis the Damn Season

Do I need to rethink my entire life?… Or is it just the holidays? I found myself texting this to a friend who casually asked me how it was going?  Not good. Not good at all.  I mean, there are good things happening. But I think I wandered into the holidays a little off kilter.…

Read More

Can we talk about kindergarten?!

R started Kindergarten at the end of August. I did not know what to expect, but here are my observations so far: Disclosure. Having to do family court about school start probably infinitely increases the stress level around it. Benefits of being a Californian. Yes! We pay higher taxes, but in California, there are no…

Read More

The Crocs Miracle: Living with Intention at Disneyland

We did it! Connection and joy. It’s possible, even at Disneyland!

Read More

My most helpful thought

Last week I found myself rolling back and forth on the ground with a bunch of giggling asian women. I was in my kundalini yoga class at the YMCA. We were doing an exercise where we put our hands out in front of us, superman-style, while lying on our stomachs, then we turned to the right until we were on our backs, then back to center/stomach, then to the left. As I rolled back and forth on the floor with these giddy women, I thought, I live such a rich life!

Read More

My Becoming Book List

This time of year people are looking for a good read.  I can’t say these are light summer selections for the beach or poolside, but these are books that have made their way through my hands during the past year and I recommend (in no particular order). Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  In many ways this…

Read More