Mary

It’s a striking contrast to leave the lively, bright Christmas Eve party and return to my quiet apartment with my sleeping child, unable to delay his slumber over the excitement of Santa Claus and presents.  The quiet is dramatic, marked by the purr of the refrigerator and the click of expanding and contracting metal in…

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That is what Christ would do

A couple of weeks ago my sister came to visit.  We watched a movie that we had both seen before, but I hadn’t seen it for years and I didn’t even really remember the plot.  It’s a charming story that is a brilliant blend of the mundane with some time travel, the moral of which…

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Benediction

Remember that part at the end of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation where Clark Griswold goes on a rant about his boss?  That’s how I felt walking out of my divorce settlement conference tonight.  It’s over.  The papers are signed. The orders are written.  It’s over.  Hallelujah!  Holy shit!  Where’s the Tylenol? I wrote this last…

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Accelerated carousel of mommy guilt

I’ve been kicking around ideas of what to write about all day today.  And now, as I am finally summoning the courage to write what I’ve been avoiding, I’ll probably get this posted about the time you are all headed to bed.  But no matter, it will be waiting for you bright and early Monday…

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Evictions and invitations

After I wrote my last post I have been using, “I’m just going to dance,” as a mantra.  It’s been quite useful, but because life is what it is, it’s been a struggle to keep dancing. Just wanted to reality check that.  I’m still repeating, still working to do it.  I do feel like I’ve…

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Stop worrying about the knitting and remember to dance

These past couple of days I have been sensing a weird transition in myself.  It’s like I’m crossing a threshold into a new phase…and it feels good.  Strangely good.  This Cheryl Strayed quote comes to my mind often: “Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away or eat it away or…

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Removing cages

I have wanted to write more about my wrestle with my faith, but it feels very vulnerable.  I am going to try to do that today and I hope, as readers, you will remember my post about the wound that is still healing.  I am in the middle of healing this wound, maybe even at…

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See! That tiny light is already glowing.

R and I had an incredibly full and beautiful weekend together.  We spent a pristine Saturday morning at the beach.  The babies played while the adults took turns surfing.  The conditions were perfect.  Small, friendly waves.  Bright sun. Pleasantly warm, but not hot.  R palled around with his equally blond comrade, playing in the sand,…

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I am still here

I made it home and I’ve been plunged back into my life of routine.  I am caring for my son, working, working out, responding to requests for help related to church, and running my household.  It’s been a little overwhelming.  The NIH experience, in some ways, felt like a monastic retreat.  I was able to…

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Unburdened

I want to address a couple of comments I’ve received since I started sharing my blog.  These couple of comments have been something along the lines of, “It seems like you are doing really well with everything.”  When I’ve read those, I appreciate the sentiment/encouragement but I want to wave my arms frantically from the…

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