That I Would Be Free

Essays on identity, transition and quietly building a life that fits.

  • I am willing

    I’ve done a lot of journaling today exploring my prompt: What is it like to be me in the world today?  Honestly, it’s kind of a mess.  I just got over the 24-hour stomach flu.  It was wicked.  I could hardly get out of bed yesterday except to throw up.  I had R most of Read More

  • A pretty successful stay in a haunted, former-forensic ward of a psychiatric institution

    Tonight I’m feeling strong.  It feels like a noticeable shift from just yesterday and dramatically so from the weekend.  This is what I keep finding—if I just feel my feelings and let them be what they need to be, then I bounce back.  I keep thinking of this quote from Wild by Cheryl Strayed: “Fear, Read More

  • Is there no other way?

    This week I’ve had the intention to find the temple inside of myself.  I am really enamored with this idea that God is within me.  That by knowing myself better, I will know God.  Focusing on perceived distances from God will not bring me closer to him.  It’s interesting.  With how I’m approaching life now, Read More

  • Unburdened

    I want to address a couple of comments I’ve received since I started sharing my blog.  These couple of comments have been something along the lines of, “It seems like you are doing really well with everything.”  When I’ve read those, I appreciate the sentiment/encouragement but I want to wave my arms frantically from the Read More

  • The last option is mindfulness

    I’m sitting on the beach with the sun on my face and the salty breeze flowing through my hair.  It’s such a blessing that I get to live here, where in October I can enjoy this warm, temperate weather.  I remember last winter considering whether I would have been able to tolerate this part of Read More

  • It’s a lot of work to be friends with me

    I find myself joking with my close friends that it’s a lot of work to be friends with me right now.  It’s because I have no capacity for the superficial.   I don’t have the energy for it.  This means I have a lot more awkward conversations.  I ask deep, personal questions.  I talk about Read More

  • One million tiny, ignored desires

    Because experience seems to be the best teacher, let me start there.  I’ve written a lot about listening to the still, small voice or finding the knowing.  I’ve considered how to find that voice and I’ve been intentionally experimenting with it this past couple of months.  My mind has been pretty hectic this week.  My Read More

  • Please. Start. Now.

    In March I set a goal to journal daily for 30 days.  It was just for me.  I had zero intention of sharing the contents of my journal with posterity.  I think I just wanted to hear the sound of my own voice.  I wanted to better understand myself.  I decided to do it first Read More

  • Always choose option #2

    Do you follow Mari Andrew (@bymariandrew) on Instagram?  If not, I highly recommend it.  She has a beautiful way of speaking truth with words and color.  A few months back she posted this: It spoke to me.  I love the fatherliness of the advice—reminds me of my dad.  And I’ve thought a lot about option Read More

  • 21 completely subjective rules for raising a toddler boy through divorce

    I was so inspired by Cup of Jo’s post about rules for raising teenage girls that I thought I might consider my own personal lessons in parenting.  So here goes!  I have a sweet, smart, sassy, sometimes terrible almost-three-year-old boy, hereafter referred to as “R.” And please let me know about your experience—God knows I Read More