That I Would Be Free

Essays on identity, transition and quietly building a life that fits.

  • We are coming for you

    As a woman, I’ve spent most of my life trying to take up as little space as possible.  This was easier in some ways because I have always been on the smaller side of normal.  And the message from the world is that women should be small and quiet and agreeable.  Fortunately, at this time Read More

  • Let us be brave

    I just finished a short relationship with someone.  It was never meant to be serious but it was more substantial than anything I’ve had since I separated from my someday-ex 20 months ago.  This micro relationship was like an accelerated course.  Each week, I felt I was uncovering some truth about myself, not because this Read More

  • A calling from a Mayan shaman

    Years ago I was traveling in Guatemala and visited Tikal.  It’s an amazing Mayan ruin site, the one with pyramids topped with elaborate roof combs reaching up from the jungle canopy. This was my second visit to this site.  It was toward the end of the day.  We had already explored all of the more-restored Read More

  • Hospital gown and lipstick…perfect.

    This week I went to see one of my patients at the board and care facility where she lives.  I was sitting in my car digging around in my bag to make sure I had a pen when she appeared through the glass of my passenger window.  I startled.  She was wearing a hospital gown Read More

  • How to pick your face up out of the mud

    I’m coming out of the dark today.  Sitting on the beach, typing to you, dear readers, with the waves crashing before me and the sun on my face, salt in my hair.  I’m thinking about what it takes to rise as I try to do rise AGAIN.  The last two days have been dark.  I spend Read More

  • Honest rage

    When I started this blog, I was inspired by Glennon Doyle (OBVIOUSLY because I quote her in most of my posts…and really I’m holding back by not quoting her as much as I would like to).  She said that when she started her blog (momastery.com) she used the prompt, “What is it like to be Read More

  • It’s all delusional anyway

    I am a psychiatric PA.  A lot of people get confused by that title.  I am a physician assistant specialized in psychiatry.  I do the same job as a psychiatrist for much less money, and I’d like to think with a little more style!  I diagnose and treat mental illness, primarily with medication.  I have Read More

  • Oh honey it’s just a wave

    Yesterday I got back in the water for the first time in two weeks.  Pretty much every time I walk into the ocean with my surfboard, I feel intimidated.  Yesterday I paused on the sand and did some yoga stretches before paddling out (probably should have done more as my neck and shoulders are a Read More

  • Shit.

    People who know me know that I don’t swear often but there is a reason these words exist and I try to reserve them for such times.  Shit is one of those words.  Today I’m working on potty training my two year old and this seems like an appropriate time to share a few of Read More

  • Lessons from Cora

    Each Sunday I pick Cora up and take her to church. I’ve gotten to know Cora in little ten minute segments because that’s about how long it takes to get from her house to the church.  So I’m not going to pretend that I know a lot about Cora’s life, but sometimes you don’t need Read More