That I Would Be Free

Essays on identity, transition and quietly building a life that fits.

  • It’s JANUARY!

    On Christmas Day in the evening, I was driving R and our new puppy home from a friend’s house.  R said, “I really want to stop at the store and get a new car.”   “No, we have sooooo many new toys at home! Let’s just go home and play with all of our new Read More

  • The Crocs Miracle: Living with Intention at Disneyland

    We did it! Connection and joy. It’s possible, even at Disneyland! Read More

  • J and the Alzheimer’s spider

    “It’s like a spider,” she said. “That’s what they told me at the Alzheimer’s Association when I was taking care of mom. And the spider goes around and around until it stops and that’s when you can’t remember.” Read More

  • My most helpful thought

    Last week I found myself rolling back and forth on the ground with a bunch of giggling asian women. I was in my kundalini yoga class at the YMCA. We were doing an exercise where we put our hands out in front of us, superman-style, while lying on our stomachs, then we turned to the… Read More

  • Resilience to Cancer? Finish Your Shower

    The results are in!  If you’ve been following the chronicles of my life here, you know I recently got concerned about some symptoms (read here). I called my endocrinologist.  She ordered blood tests to check levels of catecholamines and metanepherines. These are substances that pheochromocytomas can make.  When they do, it results in episodic hypertension, Read More

  • Sit and smile

    I’m going to pause here because THIS is mind-blowing for me. I’m not required to constantly shift and work and adjust and strain until perfection is obtained? Really? There is space in life for a moment’s pause to sit and smile? Read More

  • Seasonal allergies or cancer?

    Right now I have a paraganglioma in my right neck.  It’s called a carotid body tumor because it is wrapped around the carotid artery at the point where the artery splits to provide blood supply to my face and my brain.  I had tumor removed from the same location on the left side in 2005.  Read More

  • Engage in small c creation

    “We do seem to be living in a universe that is in a constant and unending state of creation. It’s never stopping. It’s never stopping here either. We are not witnessing that. We are PART of that. We come from that. We work into that.” Elizabeth Gilbert Read More

  • Scarcity

    After my week of stillness in Santa Cruz, I’ve been swallowed by the busyness of daily life.  Work has been hectic.  R has been demanding and emotional while he’s getting over a cold.  There’s been grocery shopping, dish washing, picking up toys, getting rid of toys [because there are too many and I can’t take Read More

  • Finding stillness in Santa Cruz

    I’ve been on a woodsy, restful, vacation this week.  I took almost the whole week off from writing.  A week off from patient care.  I finished an oil pastel drawing I started weeks ago.  Yoga everyday!  I found a studio that offers a daily kundalini class.  I’ve been knitting granny dishcloths while binge watching Parks Read More