That I Would Be Free

Essays on identity, transition and quietly building a life that fits.

  • My Becoming Book List

    This time of year people are looking for a good read.  I can’t say these are light summer selections for the beach or poolside, but these are books that have made their way through my hands during the past year and I recommend (in no particular order). Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  In many ways this Read More

  • Ways to process emotion

    I’ve been working on developing a skill set for processing emotion.  It’s super powerful and helpful because things that I used to tuck away or constantly numb have become less scary.  I can say, “Hello shame, disappointment, jealousy, longing (or whatever the emotion happens to be)—let’s do this.”  I have a few ways of processing Read More

  • Who is Heavenly Mother?

    Now that I better understand the feminine divine, I see that, because of her nature, she doesn’t fit easily into organized religion. She is too big and complicated for that. There are no instructions for breathing! How would you teach someone to inhale? Yet, I notice very quickly when I am becoming oxygen-deprived. Read More

  • Our willingness to NEED each other

    The thing that spurred our relationship was our willingness to NEED each other. We really needed each other. For the first time in years, it felt safe to need someone and this opened me up. Read More

  • Birds and Heroin

    I no longer believe that God is in heaven, waiting to hear our prayer before he grants the wish. The power of the prayer or the fast is in the connection it gives us. We are to bear witness to each other. There is power in this. I am powerless over heroin. I am powerless… Read More

  • Some days you don’t catch any waves

    I walk onto the beach with board in hand, sinuses full of sea water and arms dangling like ropes. Some days you don’t catch any waves. It’s okay to be bad at things and do them anyway–actually it’s recommended. Read More

  • Jazz, Dishwashers and The Lord of the Rings

    Happier may not fit, but I have a voice. Read More

  • Shitty Spring Day

    Just an original poem today. I think you all know the sort of day I’m talking about here. Read More

  • Curiosity—my new favorite mental health modality

    I was sitting on my mat in yoga last week at the beginning of a vinyasa class. The instructor was walking around the room getting the music and lights adjusted, and I thought, She and I are doing the same job.  I’m a psychiatric PA.  My main role is medication management, deciding which meds will Read More

  • How far down does this thing go?

    My eyes flicker open, barely conscious of where I am.  The side of my face presses into the floor boards.  There is dust and debris scattered around.  I push my hands into the wood to raise my body off the ground.  I look around.  I see the hole over my head where the floor above Read More